I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
