Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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