saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
