If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
