Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
