Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
