idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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