its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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