the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
