he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
