The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
