I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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