would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
