peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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