Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
