I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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