My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
vagina is talking i cant
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
