Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You're like the curious george of whores
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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