OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The adults are the big ones right?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize