My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Thank you for not boning my boss.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
