Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize