I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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