What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
