forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she smelled like a LAN party
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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