Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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