Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
