I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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