Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
