me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
