sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just invented taco cereal.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
