U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
