I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
