Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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