he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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