i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm at about main and main street
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
