The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
