Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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