I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
