I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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