i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
