Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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