Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
