i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
