yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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