the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sext me about skeletons
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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