And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
