Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
