i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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