the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
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His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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