The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
