remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
