so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
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I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
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if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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