Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
