No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
