My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
