im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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