omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
