That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
