she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
