im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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