how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
