I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i will never coherently bang her
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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