Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
