At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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