marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
