THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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