hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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