that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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