You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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