Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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