I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
