whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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