Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
