I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
