so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
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i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.