Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it was like eating out sand paper
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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