"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!