from now on my penis is your penis
what if I'm pregnant?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married