Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Who died my cat blue again?