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Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
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