can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now