I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
