remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
