She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
