well I can't set my house on fire every night
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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