i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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